"Don't Go Smelling Like a Rabbit"

Chapter Twenty Seven

Performing has always been my number one love. It's the thing I know how to do and I do it well.

I learned how to "feel" or gauge an audience while doing stand-up. I learned from Sonny Terry and Brownie McGee about ignoring intolerant people in the house. I also learned first hand to remain cool when things go wrong on stage when I pricked that vein with a safety pin.

I learned from the broken septum about how the show keeps on going and if you want to be in it you have to improvise.

I learned being in the right place at the right time had a lot to do with it, too.

For instance, in 1962 I had just arrived in Geneva, Switzerland. I was 17, and it was the first week of school. There was a notice on the school bulletin board about upcoming performances of Born Yesterday being presented by the Theatre Circle of Geneva, an English speaking acting troupe.

I called and asked if they’d accept a young Texan into their group and how did I go about auditioning?

The actor who had been cast as the “Bootblack” in the show had died of a heart attack the day before and they could use me at rehearsals right away...that night if I could make it.

I opened three days later. I had no lines and stayed mainly upstage and mugged a lot. But I was in!

The director of the group was William Jacques, Switzerland's premiere Comedique Artist and the Director of Radio Suisse!

He spoke no English, directing exclusively in French, but his command of American idiom and of nuance and characterization was sheer genius. Even though I could not yet speak French, I understood everything he tried to tell me.

Lesson: We understand in any language.

The second show I did with the troupe was the English language premiere of Swiss Playwright Max Frisch's The Fire Raisers –as we translated his title. It’s now titled The Fire Bugs.

Our theatre home was the Theatre de la Cour St.Pierre, a medieval church with history dripping from every stone. It was a professionally equipped theatre inside the church and whenever I was inside I was overwhelmed with awe of the place.

My final role was in the Swiss English language premiere of Inge's classic Picnic, although we didn’t perform it there.

J David Moeller and  Gonzalee Ford in "Picnic" in Geneva, Switzerland

I was still a virgin at the time I played the role of the vagabond lover, Hal, opposite a lovely and alluring Gonzalee Ford as Madge. I mention my “innocence” only because, in retrospect, the reviews of my character longed for a more "mature" approach.

I just longed for Gonzalee.

Lesson: Prior research is essential to good acting.

Being in the right place at the right –or wrong- time worked for me in another area: sports.

The second week of school, the College du Leman, while I was still appearing in Born Yesterday, the sports instructor asked me if I could swim.

I could and he told me to be at such and such a pool in Geneva that night at 6 pm for the swimming meet: I was on the team!

I didn't even know my school had a swimming team but I showed up.

The coach asked me what events I thought I would be good at and I picked the 50 meter breast stroke and the 50 meter freestyle. He allowed me to back out of the former when I told him my breast stroke was abominable and that I had no kick. But I was committed to the 50 meter free style.

It so happened this was an international meet! I’d thought we were just going to be having a little interscholastic fun with a couple of local schools, but this thing was a big deal.

Schools from Switzerland, France and Germany were represented and here was little ol' never-entered-a-swimming-competition-in-my-life me on the block in an international meet!

When it was time I mounted the platform and dove for dear life. I stroked my little heart out. I huffed and puffed and kicked and splashed. I had good form: swimming had always been a favorite summertime activity.

But I was certainly in no physical condition to be in an international competition. I weighed around 230 pounds of good Texas hamburgers and fries!

There was only one problem I hadn’t anticipated as I slid through the water. I didn’t know how to turn.

When racing for fun with my buddies we'd tap the pool side with our hand and head back the other way.

I knew that was not the way you did things in the competitions.

I was nearing the end of the first lap. I’d seen films shot underwater as swimmers made their turns: a little summersault, plant the feet on the side of the pool, kick off and do a half twist. Simple.

I tried to emulate them.

I dipped underwater, tumbled over, and lashed out with my feet against the wall and propelled myself into the second, and final lap of the journey.

Before the turn I was amazed I was neck and neck with the guy they'd said I had to beat. I couldn't believe it but I didn't give up and I wasn't intimidated.

I was confident, but my inexperience let the confidence get to me a little bit and I’d begun my turn a tad too early.

I slammed my feet back against the wall of the pool knowing this was the race for glory; but I’d started the turn too soon and I was too far away to get a firm push. My legs were almost fully extended before my feet made contact.

They slipped down the wall and the turn turned into an almost-stall. I did get a little momentum from it, but I knew I was in trouble.

Call me Paul Schaffer ‘cause I was stroking to beat the band.

I was always blessed with good upper body strength and I pulled with all my might. I was digging in and dragging water out of my way as if the entire Pharaoh’s army was behind me and I was Moses in the Red Sea.

I pumped. I kicked. I pulled. I didn't breathe but once the entire lap. I just swam the final 25 meters like Yogi Bear running from the bees.

I actually pulled up even with the leader and touched the wall with him. Sort of.

We had touched the wall together. Only his together was 1/10 of a second more together than mine was.

I came in second.

I was both elated beyond belief and disappointed at the same time.

In the first swim meet of my life, without any practice -or warm up for that matter- I had come in second to the German school's best swimmer.

My teammates were happy enough, but everyone wants to be number one, don't they.

Being number two was just fine that night for me.

Lesson: Don’t always trust the other guy’s clock.

I also learned you can bluff your way along to glory, too. In the end it takes follow-through and ability, but you can make a solid impression with focused determination and let experience teach you along the way.